I recently took a trip to Colorado. I’ve been there before, but this time was different. This time I really took the time to look at the beauty that really is Colorado. On previous trips, I forced myself to look down and not be present because when I was young, my dad lived in Colorado and I didn’t want to open those wounds. This time, I tried to embrace it. I drove through the town he lived in, where he worked, and drove passed things he may have seen back then. Many places were still covered in snow and others were beautifully green. I took it all in and I truly felt him. He absolutely loved Colorado and by really taking it in, I could feel why he loved it. I could see him in it. Outdoors was definitely his jam.
As I’m working out my heartache from his suicide in therapy, I’m trying to do more things that remind me of him. It’s easier mentally to keep those things locked up, but it’s nice to feel them and let them out, too. Processing makes it easier to think about them a second time, a third time, etc. I miss my dad so much, but I feel closer to him now than I ever did while he was alive.
